A Satirical Piece

One of my favorite things I have been assigned to write in my English class is a satirical piece. A satire basically pokes fun at something that the writer believes is a problem.The purpose of this piece is to be funny while point out the flaws, off course without being mean. I chose to write about bad drivers. I came at it from a perspective that seems to take the side of the driver while showing why they are kinda dangerous.

Enjoy

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Car crash…two cars totaled

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Police say she ran a red light and was putting on makeup while changing the radio and talking on the phone. Thirty-four year old Dara Masson didn’t have time to stop when she glanced up and saw the light turn red. “It happened all so suddenly, I had absolutely no time to react,” she says. Luckily, no one was killed but a red pick-up and a Chevy were totaled in this catastrophic accident. “This is an example of why we need to crack down on phone laws and maybe even add a few more cameras,” deputy sheriff Robert Tims says.  

What people do not realize is that distracted drivers are not a problem at all. Sure there are minor problems caused by pre-occupied drivers, such as car wrecks and an occasionally death, but why can’t they get some credit for all the positive effects their driving has on society?

Take for example revenue. Everyone knows how much debt America has found itself in. It needs money. That is where distracted drivers come in. The more people on cellphones the more tickets police can issue, helping the police hit their ticket quotas at the end of each month, not to mention the big bucks hospitals rake in from all those injured drivers. What about the mortuaries? Suddenly these not so popular businesses bustle with activity and their services “wanted.” Money circulates and everyone benefits.

            For those bored drivers who think they have seen everything after driving for twenty years, it’s time to wake up. The more distractions a driver has, the more challenging it is for other drivers to stay on the road in one piece. When coffee just does not do it anymore, and quick thinking has fallen asleep, it is time to ask talented drivers to do the impossible; multi task. Suddenly, reflexes are being tested, horns to be touched a little bit more often, and what seems to have been monotony of every day driving, has suddenly become entertainment for others.

            One who sees a woman putting on eye liner at a stop sign might believe she has a case of procrastination since she could have done that at home. However, she really saves time by doing this essential task in the car, since she probably stayed up late to help her son with homework and more importantly spent time with him. So why not do two things at the same time if it frees one up to do what really matters. What could be better -  showing up to work looking amazing and being able to put on one’s resume, one’s ability to multi task not only in the office but on a commute.  

            Distracted drivers should not be reprimanded for displaying their talents in such a glorious way, but rather should be encouraged to continue doing the things they do best. Devices to help paint nails and tie shoes are in order. For these special people, driving becomes a way to express themselves and not only enables them to show their creativity at work or at home, but also on the move, taking it to a new level. Think about it, when added up, the benefits that come from distracted drivers far out ways the negative consequences they bring to society.